Terms of service
Welcome to the Terms of Service. Given the unorthodox nature of the Jherkin as well as the way in which we intend to deliver the Jherkin to you, our beloved customer, we want to explain things over and above the usual boiler-plate legalese. This is done below under the headings "USING THE JHERKIN" and "ORDERING A JHERKIN". Make sure you read and agree to these section before ordering a Jherkin.
SERVICE AND SALE GOVERNED BY THESE TERMS & CONDITIONS
This website is operated and the Jherkin is sold by NSFW Solutions Ltd. Throughout the site, the terms “we”, “us” and “our” refer to the Jherkin and/or NSFW Solutions Ltd. We offer this website, including all information, tools and Services available from this site to you, the user, conditioned upon your acceptance of all terms, conditions, policies and notices stated here.
USING THE JHERKIN
The Jherkin is a satirical art product. As the video, website copy and the object itself indicate, our goal is satire and parody.
That said, we anticipate that some people may attempt to use the Jherkin as an actual functioning sex toy. If the history of the carnal usage of cucumbers and carrots is anything to go, this probably is inevitable.
Make no mistake, we think anal play is fantastic. But like any sexual activity, there are some health risks. And to be honest, there are far more comfortable things you could put up your butt. But because those health risks are important to us (both legally and morally) we have some pretty strong terms and conditions of usage. If you use the Jherkin as a sex toy, you do so on the following basis:
1. You do so at your own risk. We layout the liability waivers, indemnifications et al below but suffice to say upfront, if you insert the Jherkin into your butt or any other orifice, that is a risk you take entirely on your own account;
2. In order to protect our buyers as far as possible, the Jherkin has been manufactured in a sex toy factory with body safe silicone. As far as we understand from our suppliers, the Jherkin is thus safe to insert into your body from a materials point of view. We rely on the expertise of our manufacturer to assure us of this;
3. You should take EXTREME care if you decide to put the Jherkin into one of your orifices. The Jherkin is both quite large for people inexperienced with anal-play and is also not traditionally shaped. You could say it is an "asspirational" butt plug but jokes aside, if this is your first time using a butt plug, you might want to ease in with (far) smaller and smoother butt plugs before attempting to insert the Jherkin if at all. It might take a while to build up your capacity to comfortably take in a Jherkin;
4) If you do decide to insert the Jherkin, we advise following these steps as best practice:
4.1) Gently clean the orifice you wish to insert the Jherkin into. Although unnecessary, if you want to douche, there is an art to it. Perhaps consider having a look at an online guide such as Healthline or the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. Then, clean the Jherkin with a body safe soap (like a gentle, nonfragrance hand soap) which you then rinse off thoroughly. Soaps can irritate the lining of your butt so you'll want to make sure it is sufficiently cleaned off. However, definitely do clean it as you don't want to introduce any harmful pathogen into the delicate anal ecosystem.
4.2) Lubricate the Jherkin thoroughly with a body safe personal lubricant. And then lubricate the orifice you intend to insert the Jherkin into with said body safe personal lubricant. Remember, when it comes to butt stuff, lube is your friend. Use as much as reasonably possible and then use a bit more.
4.3) Take it slow and easy. Allow your inner and outer sphincter to dilate as its own pace fully before pushing the Jherkin further in. Do not, and we want to emphasize this, DO NOT, force the Jherkin into an orifice. Your butt hole is not Ikea furniture; if it doesn't want to easily slip in effortlessly, do not push on.
4.4) While the Jherkin is inside of you, take it easy and observe how it feels inside. Although remote, butt plugs always carry the possibility of perforating the lining of your butt. So take it very easy: no gymnastics, no yoga, no acrobatics, no sitting on it. Ideally, you want to use it while lying down or on all fours. Most of all, listen to your body and observe how it feels inside. If you have a stabbing sensation: abort mission.
4.5) Remove the Jherkin nice and slowly. Do not pull it out recklessly. The speed at which you remove it should be glacial (but firm). The Jherkin is not in a rush to be anywhere nor does it charge by the minute for its services so do not hurry. Think of your butt as a cute BnB owned by a lovely retired gay couple that aren't bothered by when you check-out but would appreciate it if you did so quietly and respectfully.
4.6) Call for medical assistance if you have any medical concerns. Blood, any pain etc. Medical professionals get tons of butt related cases every year so don't feel ashamed, they are used to dealing with this stuff.
4.7) Wash your Jherkin thoroughly with a body safe soap. Then rinse it thoroughly and air dry it. Keep in a hygienic place.
ORDERING A JHERKIN
We are currently selling the Jherkin on a "pre-buy / pre-sale" basis. What this means in brief is that there might be some delay in getting your Jherkin and possibly we might be unable to fill your order and deliver your Jherkin if we can't sell enough of the little guys. Very briefly, the pre-sale of the Jherkin rests on a "reserve now, pay later" basis. Let us explain.
Due to the Minimum Order Quantity stipulated by our manufacturer, we will only place an order for a run of Jherkins once we achieve a minimal threshold of orders. We're doing this for two reasons:
i) Sustainability. Unless we know our Jherkins are all going to find loving homes, it would be a waste to manufacture a whole bunch that just end up sitting in a warehouse somewhere dreaming of satirizing late stage capitalism and spelunking butt holes.
ii) Finances. We are a startup. In order to make the Jherkins themselves, our manufacturer requires us to place a meaty minimum order that requires a lot of upfront payment. This is quite expensive as it requires making a mold and doing a minimum run. (Have you seen "Joy", that kinda-terrible movie with Jennifer Lawrence? Remember how they're arguing for like half the film about having to pay for the tooling and mold and its super boring? Yup. That's the situation).
In an ideal world we'd of course place an order upfront for a run of Jherkins and deliver them straight to your home before you've even had time to find place for it on your desk. But alas, them's the breaks.
That said, as soon as the threshold is hit, we will place the order right away and the Jherkins will be on their way to your door.
OK. So how does the pre-order work?
The pre-order is relatively straight forward. You click the pre-order button and our trusted third party service provider ("PreProduct") will take your card details and "reserve" the Jherkin price but not charge your card. Then once we've hit our minimal manufacturing threshold and we know we can do a run of Jherkins, we will then charge your card. You will be notified of the charge. We will then place the order for the Jherkins with our manufacturer and notwithstanding any unforeseen problems have them delivered to you in our timeframes.
OK. So what is the time frames for my order?
Currently we are estimating that from the time we place the order with our manufacturer it should take them about a month to 6 weeks to manufacture the run. We expect then a waiting time of about 2 weeks before it is delivered to you. So all in all, the wait time from the point we hit the threshold, notwithstanding any unforeseen delays or hiccups, should be 6-8 weeks.
What if we don't hit the minimum threshold for the Jherkin?
If the minimal threshold is not achieved, we won't place an order for the Jherkins and you will not be charged. If you are charged for whatever reason, your money in this circumstance will be refunded. We'll also send you a personal email about how sorry we are and possibly a small vial of our tears of disappointment.
From a time frame perspective, if we haven't hit the threshold within 6 weeks from when they first go on sale, we'll take that as a sign from the gods that we have failed and cancel your order.
How much will I have to pay for shipping?
Shipping to the UK, EU and US is included in the price.
What about taxes?
Taxes are covered in the price however depending on your country, you might have to pay an import tax or customs duty. This is out of our hands and depends on what jurisdiction you are in. Check your national rate of import tax. Note however that in some jurisdictions the price of a Jherkin is below the threshold for import tax.
What if there are delays etc?
In light of the above, we would love it if you would be so kind so as to be patient with us. We might not be able to dismantle capitalism anytime soon but we can still try be kind to one another. We will also keep you in the loop about what is happening and when you can expect your Jherkin to arrive.
Please give us a shout if you need further clarity at firstname.lastname@example.org
PRE-SALE TERMS & CONDITIONS
1. The standard terms and conditions of the Jherkin sale apply during the pre-sale except where these terms and conditions vary. By using the Jherkin website and/or purchasing and/or pre-ordering a Jherkin during the pre-sale you agree to the terms and conditions as outlined in the Terms of Service as well as these terms and conditions mutatis mutandis.
2. A sale agreement between yourself and NSFW Solutions Ltd is contingent and/or conditional on the basis of a Minimal Threshold Order ("MTO") being achieved.
3. NSFW Solutions Ltd will be the sole party to determine whether the MTO has been achieved.
4. Upon agreeing to pre-order a Jherkin, the price of the Jherkin will be reserved (but not charged) on your card.
5. If the MTO is achieved, you will be notified of such and your card will be charged.
6. If the MTO is not achieved, you will be notified and your card will not be charged.
7. NSFW Solutions Ltd reserves the right to cancel the pre-sale and/or sale unilaterally before the MTO is achieved and/or before your card is charged.
8. If your card is charged and we are unable fulfill the order for whatever reason, we reserve the right to cancel your order and refund your money.
We have a 14-day return policy, which means you have 14 days after receiving your item to request a return.
To be eligible for a return, your item must be in the same condition that you received it, unused, and in its original packaging. You’ll also need the receipt or proof of purchase. You will need to send us the returned item within 14 days of our response to your notification.
To start a return:
1. Contact us at email@example.com. Items sent back to us without first requesting a return will not be accepted.
2. We'll provide you with a return address and further instructions.
Damages and issues
Please inspect your order upon reception and contact us immediately if the item is defective, damaged or if you receive the wrong item, so that we can evaluate the issue and make it right.
The fastest way to ensure you get what you want is to return the item you have, and once the return is accepted, make a separate purchase for the new item.
European Union 14 day cooling off period
Notwithstanding the above, if the merchandise is being shipped into the European Union, you have the right to cancel or return your order within 14 days, for any reason and without a justification. As above, your item must be in the same condition that you received it, unworn or unused, and in its original packaging. You’ll also need the receipt or proof of purchase.
We will notify you once we’ve received and inspected your return, and let you know if the refund was approved or not. If approved, you’ll be automatically refunded on your original payment method within 10 business days. Please remember it can take some time for your bank or credit card company to process and post the refund too.
If more than 15 business days have passed since we’ve approved your return, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Now for the standard Terms and Conditions...
SECTION 1 - ONLINE STORE TERMS
By agreeing to these Terms of Service, you represent that you are at least the age of majority in your state or province of residence, or that you are the age of majority in your state or province of residence and you have given us your consent to allow any of your minor dependents to use this site.
You may not use our products for any illegal or unauthorized purpose nor may you, in the use of the Service, violate any laws in your jurisdiction (including but not limited to copyright laws). If you are buying this product in any jurisdiction which bans the use of sex toys (i.e. Alabama) then the Jherkin is not to be used as a butt plug (unfortunately).
You must not transmit any worms or viruses or any code of a destructive nature.
A breach or violation of any of the Terms will result in an immediate termination of your Services.
SECTION 2 - GENERAL CONDITIONS
We reserve the right to refuse Service to anyone for any reason at any time.
You understand that your content (not including credit card information), may be transferred unencrypted and involve (a) transmissions over various networks; and (b) changes to conform and adapt to technical requirements of connecting networks or devices. Credit card information is always encrypted during transfer over networks.
You agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit any portion of the Service, use of the Service, or access to the Service or any contact on the website through which the Service is provided, without express written permission by us.
The headings used in this agreement are included for convenience only and will not limit or otherwise affect these Terms.
SECTION 3 - ACCURACY, COMPLETENESS AND TIMELINESS OF INFORMATION
We are not responsible if information made available on this site is not accurate, complete or current. The material on this site is provided for general information only and should not be relied upon or used as the sole basis for making decisions without consulting primary, more accurate, more complete or more timely sources of information. Any reliance on the material on this site is at your own risk.
This site may contain certain historical information. Historical information, necessarily, is not current and is provided for your reference only. We reserve the right to modify the contents of this site at any time, but we have no obligation to update any information on our site. You agree that it is your responsibility to monitor changes to our site.
SECTION 4 - MODIFICATIONS TO THE SERVICE AND PRICES
Prices for our products are subject to change without notice.
We reserve the right at any time to modify or discontinue the Service (or any part or content thereof) without notice at any time.
We shall not be liable to you or to any third-party for any modification, price change, suspension or discontinuance of the Service.
SECTION 5 - PRODUCTS OR SERVICES (if applicable)
Certain products or Services may be available exclusively online through the website. These products or Services may have limited quantities and are subject to return or exchange only according to our Refund Policy.
We have made every effort to display as accurately as possible the colors and images of our products that appear at the store. We cannot guarantee that your computer monitor's display of any color will be accurate.
We reserve the right, but are not obligated, to limit the sales of our products or Services to any person, geographic region or jurisdiction. We may exercise this right on a case-by-case basis. We reserve the right to limit the quantities of any products or Services that we offer. All descriptions of products or product pricing are subject to change at anytime without notice, at the sole discretion of us. We reserve the right to discontinue any product at any time. Any offer for any product or Service made on this site is void where prohibited.
We do not warrant that the quality of any products, Services, information, or other material purchased or obtained by you will meet your expectations, or that any errors in the Service will be corrected.
SECTION 6 - ACCURACY OF BILLING AND ACCOUNT INFORMATION
We reserve the right to refuse any order you place with us. We may, in our sole discretion, limit or cancel quantities purchased per person, per household or per order. These restrictions may include orders placed by or under the same customer account, the same credit card, and/or orders that use the same billing and/or shipping address. In the event that we make a change to or cancel an order, we may attempt to notify you by contacting the e‑mail and/or billing address/phone number provided at the time the order was made. We reserve the right to limit or prohibit orders that, in our sole judgment, appear to be placed by dealers, resellers or distributors.
You agree to provide current, complete and accurate purchase and account information for all purchases made at our store. You agree to promptly update your account and other information, including your email address and credit card numbers and expiration dates, so that we can complete your transactions and contact you as needed.
For more details, please review our Refund Policy.
SECTION 7 - OPTIONAL TOOLS
We may provide you with access to third-party tools over which we neither monitor nor have any control nor input.
You acknowledge and agree that we provide access to such tools ”as is” and “as available” without any warranties, representations or conditions of any kind and without any endorsement. We shall have no liability whatsoever arising from or relating to your use of optional third-party tools.
Any use by you of the optional tools offered through the site is entirely at your own risk and discretion and you should ensure that you are familiar with and approve of the terms on which tools are provided by the relevant third-party provider(s).
We may also, in the future, offer new Services and/or features through the website (including the release of new tools and resources). Such new features and/or Services shall also be subject to these Terms of Service.
SECTION 8 - THIRD-PARTY LINKS
Certain content, products and Services available via our Service may include materials from third-parties.
Third-party links on this site may direct you to third-party websites that are not affiliated with us. We are not responsible for examining or evaluating the content or accuracy and we do not warrant and will not have any liability or responsibility for any third-party materials or websites, or for any other materials, products, or Services of third-parties.
We are not liable for any harm or damages related to the purchase or use of goods, Services, resources, content, or any other transactions made in connection with any third-party websites. Please review carefully the third-party's policies and practices and make sure you understand them before you engage in any transaction. Complaints, claims, concerns, or questions regarding third-party products should be directed to the third-party.
SECTION 9 - USER COMMENTS, FEEDBACK AND OTHER SUBMISSIONS
If, at our request, you send certain specific submissions (for example contest entries) or without a request from us, you send creative ideas, suggestions, proposals, plans, or other materials, whether online, by email, by postal mail, or otherwise (collectively, 'comments'), you agree that we may, at any time, without restriction, edit, copy, publish, distribute, translate and otherwise use in any medium any comments that you forward to us. We are and shall be under no obligation (1) to maintain any comments in confidence; (2) to pay compensation for any comments; or (3) to respond to any comments.
We may, but have no obligation to, monitor, edit or remove content that we determine in our sole discretion to be unlawful, offensive, threatening, libelous, defamatory, pornographic, obscene or otherwise objectionable or violates any party’s intellectual property or these Terms of Service.
You agree that your comments will not violate any right of any third-party, including copyright, trademark, privacy, personality or other personal or proprietary right. You further agree that your comments will not contain libelous or otherwise unlawful, abusive or obscene material, or contain any computer virus or other malware that could in any way affect the operation of the Service or any related website. You may not use a false e‑mail address, pretend to be someone other than yourself, or otherwise mislead us or third-parties as to the origin of any comments. You are solely responsible for any comments you make and their accuracy. We take no responsibility and assume no liability for any comments posted by you or any third-party.
SECTION 10 - PERSONAL INFORMATION
SECTION 11 - ERRORS, INACCURACIES AND OMISSIONS
Occasionally there may be information on our site or in the Service that contains typographical errors, inaccuracies or omissions that may relate to product descriptions, pricing, promotions, offers, product shipping charges, transit times and availability. We reserve the right to correct any errors, inaccuracies or omissions, and to change or update information or cancel orders if any information in the Service or on any related website is inaccurate at any time without prior notice (including after you have submitted your order).
We undertake no obligation to update, amend or clarify information in the Service or on any related website, including without limitation, pricing information, except as required by law. No specified update or refresh date applied in the Service or on any related website, should be taken to indicate that all information in the Service or on any related website has been modified or updated.
SECTION 12 - PROHIBITED USES
In addition to other prohibitions as set forth in the Terms of Service, you are prohibited from using the site or its content: (a) for any unlawful purpose; (b) to solicit others to perform or participate in any unlawful acts; (c) to violate any international, federal, provincial or state regulations, rules, laws, or local ordinances; (d) to infringe upon or violate our intellectual property rights or the intellectual property rights of others; (e) to harass, abuse, insult, harm, defame, slander, disparage, intimidate, or discriminate based on gender, sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity, race, age, national origin, or disability; (f) to submit false or misleading information; (g) to upload or transmit viruses or any other type of malicious code that will or may be used in any way that will affect the functionality or operation of the Service or of any related website, other websites, or the Internet; (h) to collect or track the personal information of others; (i) to spam, phish, pharm, pretext, spider, crawl, or scrape; (j) for any obscene or immoral purpose; or (k) to interfere with or circumvent the security features of the Service or any related website, other websites, or the Internet. We reserve the right to terminate your use of the Service or any related website for violating any of the prohibited uses.
SECTION 13 - DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES; LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
We do not guarantee, represent or warrant that your use of our Service will be uninterrupted, timely, secure or error-free.
We do not warrant that the results that may be obtained from the use of the Service will be accurate or reliable.
You agree that from time to time we may remove the Service for indefinite periods of time or cancel the Service at any time, without notice to you.
You expressly agree that your use of, or inability to use, the Service and/or the Jherkin is at your sole risk. The Service and the products (including and especially the Jherkin) delivered to you through the Service are provided 'as is' and 'as available' for your use, without any representation, warranties or conditions of any kind, either express or implied, including all implied warranties or conditions of merchantability, merchantable quality, fitness for a particular purpose, durability, title, and non-infringement.
In no case shall The Jherkin, our directors, officers, employees, affiliates, agents, contractors, interns, suppliers, Service providers or licensors be liable for any injury, loss, claim, or any direct, indirect, incidental, punitive, special, or consequential damages of any kind, including, without limitation lost profits, lost revenue, lost savings, loss of data, replacement costs, or any similar damages, whether based in contract, tort (including negligence), strict liability or otherwise, arising from your use of any of the Service or any products procured using the Service, or for any other claim related in any way to your use of the Service or any product, including, but not limited to, any errors or omissions in any content, or any loss or damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of the Service or any content (or product) posted, transmitted, or otherwise made available via the Service, even if advised of their possibility. Because some states or jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or the limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, in such states or jurisdictions, our liability shall be limited to the maximum extent permitted by law.
SECTION 14 - INDEMNIFICATION
You agree to indemnify, defend and hold harmless NSFW Solutions Ltd, its directors and/or any associates of the Jherkin and our parent, subsidiaries, affiliates, partners, officers, directors, agents, contractors, licensors, Service providers, subcontractors, suppliers, interns and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorneys’ fees, made by any third-party due to or arising out of your breach of these Terms of Service or the documents they incorporate by reference, or your violation of any law or the rights of a third-party.
SECTION 15 - SEVERABILITY
In the event that any provision of these Terms of Service is determined to be unlawful, void or unenforceable, such provision shall nonetheless be enforceable to the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, and the unenforceable portion shall be deemed to be severed from these Terms of Service, such determination shall not affect the validity and enforceability of any other remaining provisions.
SECTION 16 - TERMINATION
The obligations and liabilities of the parties incurred prior to the termination date shall survive the termination of this agreement for all purposes.
These Terms of Service are effective unless and until terminated by either you or us. You may terminate these Terms of Service at any time by notifying us that you no longer wish to use our Services, or when you cease using our site.
If in our sole judgment you fail, or we suspect that you have failed, to comply with any term or provision of these Terms of Service, we also may terminate this agreement at any time without notice and you will remain liable for all amounts due up to and including the date of termination; and/or accordingly may deny you access to our Services (or any part thereof).
SECTION 17 - ENTIRE AGREEMENT
The failure of us to exercise or enforce any right or provision of these Terms of Service shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision.
These Terms of Service and any policies or operating rules posted by us on this site or in respect to the Service constitutes the entire agreement and understanding between you and us and governs your use of the Service, superseding any prior or contemporaneous agreements, communications and proposals, whether oral or written, between you and us (including, but not limited to, any prior versions of the Terms of Service).
Any ambiguities in the interpretation of these Terms of Service shall not be construed against the drafting party.
SECTION 18 - GOVERNING LAW
These Terms of Service and any separate agreements whereby we provide you Services shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of United Kingdom.
SECTION 19 - CHANGES TO TERMS OF SERVICE
You can review the most current version of the Terms of Service at any time at this page.
We reserve the right, at our sole discretion, to update, change or replace any part of these Terms of Service by posting updates and changes to our website. It is your responsibility to check our website periodically for changes. Your continued use of or access to our website or the Service following the posting of any changes to these Terms of Service constitutes acceptance of those changes.
SECTION 20 - CONTACT INFORMATION
Questions about the Terms of Service should be sent to us at email@example.com.
Our contact information is posted below:
NSFW Solutions Ltd
Registered Address - 128 City Road, London, EC1V 2NX.
Company Number: 13956920
Registered in England
SECTION 21 - APPLICABILITY OF THESE TERMS OF SERVICE
By visiting our site and/ or purchasing something from us, you engage in our “Service” and agree to be bound by the following terms and conditions (“Terms of Service”, “Terms”), including those additional terms and conditions and policies referenced herein and/or available by hyperlink. These Terms of Service apply to all users of the site, including without limitation users who are browsers, vendors, customers, merchants, and/ or contributors of content.
Please read these Terms of Service carefully before accessing or using our website. By accessing or using any part of the site, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Service. If you do not agree to all the terms and conditions of this agreement, then you may not access the website or use any Services. If these Terms of Service are considered an offer, acceptance is expressly limited to these Terms of Service.
We reserve the right to update, change or replace any part of these Terms of Service by posting updates and/or changes to our website. It is your responsibility to check this page periodically for changes. Your continued use of or access to the website following the posting of any changes constitutes acceptance of those changes.